Don't leave me this way
by Kadesch
Summary: When Carrie comes back from her last dinner with the girls before moving to Paris, things are a little bit different.


_Authors note: Same things again: Sorry for all language mistakes, I'm German and a little bit out of practise. The story might be too corny for the hardcore fans but I just love to see Big and Carrie act together. It's just one of the stories out of my head. Of cause I don't own any of the characters etc. Hope you like it!_

When Carrie returned from the last dinner with the girls she saw someone sitting on the stairs in front of her house from a long distance. She hoped to be wrong but as closer she got the surer she became that it was Big who sat there, holding his head in his hands. Anger raised inside of her. Didn't she tell him that she didn't want to have anything to do with him. He should disappear out of her life, he got her into trouble more than once.

"What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you to get out of my life?"

Now she faced him while he lifted his head slowly and confused. His eyes were red and wet, tears were on his cheeks.

"Oh... I... ehm..."

"What are you still doing here?"

Even if she felt sorry for him, her anger was too much.

"Didn't I express myself clearly?"

"Yeah... I... I..."

He sobbed, it seemed like he couldn't find a clear thought. He looked on his watch.

"Oh."

It seemed like he had lost his sense of time, he was surprised how late it was.

"I... I... am on the way."

Exhausted he pulled himself up on the banister, but he stumbled and sat down again.

"Where is your driver?"

She didn't want to respond to his condition, didn't want him to ruin her plans again.

"Send away."

He starred on the ground in front of him, it seemed like he slowly found himself again.

"Wanted to be alone."

"But...."

"Why Carrie?"

Suddenly he looked straight up into her eyes and she could see endless pain in them.

"Why are you doing this?"

Now she was speechless, didn't know how to explain all these things to him and didn't want to explain them. Her plane was leaving soon, she didn't have time.

"I did excuse for all the things I have done to you! I was serious, even if I slept with you in the morning. But you have been so damn sexy lying there next to me. Fuck! I knew it was wrong to do this! Fuck! It was the same the last time I was here in New York but there I panicked, I was afraid of myself. And I would have called you before I moved to Napa. I even tried to make up with Aiden for you even if it was so hard!"

In his thoughts he skipped from one point to another in their history. It became clear to her how he had spend the last few hours after she had yelled at him: Thinking about the time they had spend together, searching for the reason of her behaviour.

"What's all that about? You said that we are good friends! What are you doing?"

She only looked at him, while he tried to sort his thoughts. Still there were tears running down his face. She resisted the urge to lean forward and wipe them away from his cheeks.

"Why do you say that I have to forget you? You are the most important person in my life, how should I ever be able to forget you? I knew that something was wrong cause you never called back. I was so afraid when I drove here but it is even more worse than I ever could imagine. Why didn't you just tell me? That I ruined your relationship with Aiden, I'm very sorry because of this. But I also got divorced! Since then I never interfered your relationships again, I tried to be your friend. OK, I couldn't stand the jazz musician, but for all that, I really tried not to destroy your relationships!"

"But you do."

Astonished he looked into her eyes.

"You do it crabwise, cause always when I'm happy with somebody else, I start comparing him to you and everything is fucked up."

He spoke a silent "What?" and she continued.

"Yes, that's the way it is. I never was as happy with someone else as I was with you and nobody else could break my heart the way you did cause I never let them get as deep in my heart as I let you."

Now there were tears running down her face too and there were new tears in Big's eyes as well.

"That's why I try to cut you out of my life. I don't want it to happen again."

They looked into each others eyes, crying.

"Carrie. If you are happy with that man I won't get in the way. I don't want to make you unhappy. I love you to much for that."

She was surprised by his statement and looked at him with big eyes.

"Yeah, I wanted to tell you the whole time on the phone and in the car. When I was at home again I felt awful. I missed you more than ever before and I always had to think of waking up in bed next to you and how good that felt till I panicked. I was afraid of hurting you again, that it would go wrong again and that I would loose you forever. But I always thought of you, I didn't care of other women anymore. I mean it happened earlier that I pictured you when I was having sex but now I didn't even want to sleep with anyone but you. I always thought of the time we spend together and I understood that you are the only one I want to be with. It's just that I always was so much afraid that I'll hurt you again and that I'll loose you forever. Now it happened anyway."

He kept silent for some time, then he stood up.

"I wish you all luck of the world."

With these worlds he gave her a kiss on the forehead and began walking down the street. Carrie was stunned, didn't know what to say. Only a silent "Big" went over her lips. Then she turned her head and looked after him. That was the moment she realised it: He was the only one she wanted.

"Big."

It was a little bit louder but he still couldn't hear it. She took all her power and yelled as loud as she was able to:

"John!"

He stood still and turned around with a questioning look on his face when he saw her running down the street. She stopped in front of him and asked:

"Is this for real? Is this really serious?"

"Absolutely, Carrie. You are the only one for me and I love you more than the whole world."

After that she threw her arms around him and kissed him passionately.

She no longer cared about Paris.

She had Mr. Big.


End file.
